Anxiety Ridden to Anxiety​ Rid-of

I use to be the most anxious anxiety-ridden person I have ever met and or heard of. If you talk to anyone who knew me as a teenager or during my early recovery process, they will without a doubt say the same thing. As I started to take personal responsibility for my own life, my terrible “mental illness” has dissipated. In retrospect, I’ve realized for myself, as the drugs began to detox from my body, that it was more of an energetic illness than a mental illness. Energetically I was not aligned with my true self and the root cause of that was a closure of my throat chakra.

I have come to learn that my anxiety was a direct response to my inability to speak my truth and fear of confrontation. I found myself in places with people doing things I hated for years. I do not think this is a unique situation and the only reason I am speaking out about it is I believe it could bring awareness to others suffering from anxiety as well.

I hated school, I knew the structure was corrupt and the information was useless but the only people I could find who believed me were the “misfits.” I didn’t even want to be friends with the “bad kids,” but I found it was the only way I could find some validation for my intuitive thoughts and feelings about the world at large. I didn’t like cheating, stealing and lying, but I did love the drugs. I loved the elated feeling of euphoria, it was the closest to God I could get. But doing bad things and doing drugs gave me even more anxiety.

Like I mentioned before my throat chakra was closed “af,” my communication was also terrible. I would choke on my words of truth like I was saying the worst swear word in the world. It was like that for years, really until I started the blog, found some other modern mystics I could get totally get real with via the internet and prayers answered. I then knew I wasn’t crazy, but I was waking and was a wounded healer.

Clearing my throat chakra has been some of the hardest work I have ever done, if not the hardest. But the most rewarding and biggest catalyst to growth and expansion than any drug or retreat could ever do and I did it all by myself. This is not to say I didn’t do extensive work with counsellors, therapists and healers. But ultimately they were just guides and I was the one who did the work.

When I started doing the work by taking full responsibility for my healing and stopped putting myself in energetic places with the wrong people and things, everything started to shift. This has taken just over 4 years to do. That’s not to say Mental health is not to be taken lightly, it is very serious and is a scientific physical matter along with a spiritual one. Both must be considered while healing.

I can’t help you with the physical aspects of your mental health, that is for a professional, but I can help you with your Spiritual Healing. If you would like to start work on finding your voice, in order to start sharing your message please don’t hesitate to contact me. I want to know what’s holding you back? What do you want to share with the world? Seriously, I want to help you come out of the spiritual closet and step into your power.

I’d Rather Dance Alone

I’m coming to accept that I’m different. I like to walk the straight and narrow. I like the challenge, I like the rewards. I like levelling up and meeting new people in new dimensions of life. I want to live like the 5% and think like them too. I’d rather be brave, than cool in this world.

I want to be a leader and I realize that in order to make a difference, not everyone is going to like you. People don’t like change, it scares them. Change excites me. As a visionary, I see this world being a Utopia one day and I don’t care if you think I’m crazy. It’s my mission, with this vision, to change fear into Love.

I use to hold back from coming out of the spiritual closet because I thought people would think I’m crazy, now I realize we are all crazy. I have compassion for people who watch the news and live in fear and never attempt to master their dreams. To the ones who call spirituality woo woo. God either is or isn’t. It’s your loss in fear, not mine, I’m not taking it personally anymore.

I don’t drink, don’t smoke, don’t watch TV, don’t read magazines, don’t watch horror movies, I don’t put my kid on social media, I eat organic, I don’t have casual hookups, I also don’t have a lot of friends or followers. I’m different and I like it.

The straight and narrow is the life for me. Like I said I’d rather be brave than cool and there’s a value in being disliked, it means your authentic. You see, I would just rather dance alone, then play pretend any longer.

Teaching Each Other How To Be Human Again.

In the silence of the night, when my child is asleep.
I question the actions of my day.
Did I speed through the tasks?
Did I show up present?
Did he notice I was on my phone?
How can I be better?
How can I be more like him?
Curious about life.
Curious about all the new words, sounds and imagery.
Patient to try new things and experience the next adventure.

How can I be more like my child, my best teacher.
We play both the role of teacher and student.
I teach him how to grow safely in this world of chaos.
He teaches me how to just Be again.
We need each other.
We all need each other.
One cannot do this dance alone.

Let our children teach us how to Love again without prejudice and judgment.
Without worthiness based upon followers and likes.
Let their sacred routines of play, eating and napping inspire us to do the same.
As we try to teach them to share, let us deepen that practice within ourselves as well.
Where have I been a hypocrite to my teachings for my own child?
How can I be better tomorrow?

There will be laughs and tantrums but all are equally beautiful, as we continue to learn and unlearn from each other.
I forgive myself for any mistakes today and know the morning sun will shine and us to will rise.
Then the night will fall and us too, to our beds.
I will reflect, always, how the same love in me, is the same love in him.
As we both teach each other how to be human again.

Beautiful little Contradictions.

Within the web of our makeup

we cross paths with our layers

New and Old

we create contradictions

With the old and new

Evolving, involves crossing those paths

creating new strings to tie and grow

we are a web of beautiful little contradictions all tied into one.

Never doubt your validity because of your contradictions

you are simply outgrowing the old and expanding to the new

Sowing the new path into the space unknown takes courage

Courage is more favorable than stale ideas and beliefs

Weave your web with diamonds that sparkle

That shine your highest truest self, for all to see

Be the You, You were meant to be, in all you do

I see me and you see you, in all we do

For we are connected in the larger web

The web of Life, the web of Consciousness

From the same light, from the sparkle, of that diamond

From the same flow and space 

We are all made of beautiful little contradictions from the ever-evolving 

Universal 

Web 

of 

Life

29 Lessons.

  1. Fairness is not equality
  2. You have to feel it, to heal it
  3. Your body is your Souls temple
  4. The best way to lose weight is to eat healthily and exercise 
  5. Exercising looks different for everyone 
  6. Never get gym membership. You won’t go as much as you did the first three times, if ever again. 
  7. Love them all, trust a few
  8. Jealousy is your hearts desires
  9. Sitting in silence is mandatory 
  10. You are your greatest teacher
  11. Be here now
  12. Time does not exist
  13. Children are smarter than adults
  14. Magic happens in the flow
  15. You can have anything you put your mind to, you create your reality.
  16. Gratitude amplifies abundance
  17. Self-centredness is the core of addiction 
  18. We are one
  19. Everything is energy
  20. Balance is beautiful 
  21. You are the company you keep
  22. You are perfect the way you are
  23. Everything happens in divine timing
  24. Mindfulness is the key to enjoying life how it was intended 
  25. It’s not so much about learning new things, as it is about forgetting old habits
  26. Plants are teachers and healers
  27. You have to heal your past lives, still in this life
  28. Stress kills (number one offender for dis-ease)
  29. you chose your parents
  30. You also chose this reincarnation for a certain purpose and experience. So let’s stop complaining and start to enjoy it!

Sometimes, We all Push Too Hard.

Have you pushed too hard into what you thought was right? Only to flair with frustration.

This is your sign to halt and sit up straight.

Be the portal to all that is. Sit in the space of silence and hear Her whispers.

Take the words she so gracefully tingled into your senses and run to the wind.

Risk it all, for a chance at Joy.

You may lose all that you thought was right.

All though, in the end, you will find what’s truly real.

Being courageous will lead you back to your Soul.

So you decide, is it worth the gamble?

Or will you shrivel back into your shell, like a slug to salt.

Free Will allows you to stay seated in your rage.

Take the risk.

You can always return back to pushing.

Pushing against the current, that is trying to bring you home.

Art by James Nares titled “Change Up”

Yearning.

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I’m yearning for The Veil to be pierced .

I’m yearning for connection back in communities.

I’m yearning for Freedom without boarders.

I’m yearning for time to slow down.

I’m yearning for separation to be Oneness.

I’m yearning for corruption to be exposed.

I’m yearning for Truth to be spoken.

I’m yearning for pure leaders and change!

I’m yearning for Mother Earth to Heal.

I’m yearning for A New World to be born.

The Spirit of Plants.

All plants are Teachers and Healers.

They’re our medicine and Support for our journey Home.

Respect their natural strength and clever potencies.

Dance to their Wisdom and their musical harmonies with the wind.

Admire their intrinsic Beauty, that can shift any mood.

Let them Nourish your Body, Mind and Soul.

They’re constantly Calling you, accept this Offer of Love.

Water your relationship with them and Rejoice in your Heart with their endless Loving vines all around you.

For this is, The Spirit of Plants.

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The Vacation.

Being must be felt. It cannot be thought. – Eckart Tolle

There were many accounts in which my Heart fell out this week. Once physically, in a Dream of course and a handful of other times Emotionally. I studied Dream interpretation till I found the answer that best resonated with the vision. Your Heart falling out in your Dream represents your emotional attachments to others. After my research scratched the lining of my stomach with a knot full of truth, I knew there was work to be done. I searched for answers.

An Elder from my tribe of Wild Women, said I am willfully putting my Heart on the chopping block. Getting chopped away, with all my expectations. My expectations for support and fulfillment with things outside of myself. Chopping and slicing away at my Spiritual talent. She directed me to the work of Eckart Tolle, I chose “The Power of Now” to be my first leap into studying his work.

Listening to the first chapter, of “The Power of Now”, catapulted me into the most breathtaking journey. I travelled down my throat into my chest cavity. My Awareness of ‘Being’ shifted and I was now was Present from my Heart space. I travelled from my head to my Heart, The Vacation I had been longing for. It was quiet down there, cozy and quite warm. All though, like most experiences of this nature, as soon as the Ego kicked in… I jumped back to the chatter in my skull.

I had heard of the journey form your head to your Heart many times in 12 step meetings, but had never truly understood it till now. This experience has changed me. I am now actively regaining “Being” from my Heart Centre, rather then my head. It takes a Conscience effort, but I’m sure this is how we are all naturally Born. This is the “Way of Being” through “Feeling.” Like Eckart explains in his book.

Additionally, I craved a larger audience for my Blog, but this only took my focus away from my writing and Heart Feeling/ Being. It really took away from my Souls Work. In hindsight my expectations for others never panned out, the Universe had better plans. THIS was part of the plan. Another Humbling week it has been. I have come to conclusion I don’t know what is best for me…my perceived “defeats”, always lead to my Surrender and though Surrendering I am Free once again.

Bear Spirit Is My Animal Medicine.

I’ve ran into a handful of Bears in my adult life. Real Bears. A few of which have been uncomfortably close and my life has flashed before my eyes. Being in the presence of a Bear shakes me to my core. It wakes me up from my hibernation and reminds me to choose life again. Energetically speaking, I have never felt such powerful and grounding Energy emanate from another living Being.

After doing some research as to why I am such a “Bear Magnet,” which I was called during my time in Jasper Alberta, I have found the Bear to be my Spirit Animal. My personal Animal Medicine. My Bear encounters were signifying a new chapter of personal growth, towards Independence and a mere reflection of my own Inner Divinity. The Power within, I was afraid to tap into and unleash.

While crossing paths, with my Bears, my natural instincts have kicked in. Fight or Flight. Ive always picked Flight. Regardless of the suggestions not to run. Just as my reaction to run from the Bears, Ive had to learn to not run from my own Power. Embodying this Strong Grounding Energy myself has taken Practice and Devotion. Self Healing practices, such as Meditation, have taught me to sit with it instead of run.

My Animal Medicine has woken me up to be a Leader, an Energy Shifter and a Strong Independent Mother Bear. I am sitting with my Power and working towards Co-Creating my Dreams. My Soul will not be satisfied unless I do. What Desires are you Manifesting with your Divine Power? What Animal is crossing your path and reminding your Soul of its true potential once again.