They told me my body wasn’t perfect, so I found a way to love it harder.
They told me I was depressed, so I found a way to be happy.
They told me I was anxious, so I found a way to become calm.
They told me I’m a failure at english, so I became a writer.
They told me I was a drunk, so I became sober.
They told me I am a lot of things.
Now they’re telling me the air is unsafe, so I’ve begun to breathe deeper.
This is called the journey from your head to your heart.
Don’t let anyone tell you who you are.
& Remember you are your own saviour.
Finally we were alone and I got to know her.
What she liked and didn’t like.
What she believed in and who she really was.
Stillness took me to places I had never felt before.
I became aware of the power of her mind.
Alone, in its depths, sometimes felt like I was going to die.
The loneliness turned into the mediation I needed to find my voice.
I told her, I will live as the artists she truely is.
To awaken others with the paintings of my hearts words.
I made the vow to live for her and not against any longer.
The Awakening hit me like a ton of bricks.
I went in with no expectations.
I was high enough to believe.
Desperate enough to finally listen.
We read Genesis.
My Heart lit on fire.
The sun was in my chest.
The veil had been lifted.
They warned me I might not sleep for 3 days.
The feeling was unimaginable.
I could see God now.
I kept crawling back to his sandpaper door step, desperate for one last taste of ether.
His poetic sexual convictions had me tied up in a phone chord of confusion.
Now tell me please, how had I never been teased like this before.
Worn out knees to the bone, I prayed to bleed dry of my ghostly feelings for him.
Praise God, that the mood dried up and we both withered back to our divine decree.
Resurrected from his undertaking I proclaimed “no more sadistic love sissors cutting at my heartstrings.”
All alone, is how I saved me.
The Mountains couldn’t save me. The doctors or the nurses couldn’t save me.
The psychiatrists or the pills. Jesus or Mohammed couldn’t save me.
My family or my Lovers. That cat or the money couldn’t save me.
That trip, the house, the dress, the make up, the job, even the sex couldn’t save me.
She said “I’m serving recovery, to you, on a silver plater” but she couldn’t save me.
The fear of living had to become greater than the fear of drowning.
It wasn’t until they all left me in silence, that I could began to save myself from my mind.
They all helped me wake me up, For better or for worse.
Sometimes the lessons seemed too hard – too soon.
Now I can see I had the answers all along, I just had to learn how to listen and In the end I was my own Saviour.
Only you can wash the residue of dust and smoke from your own mirrors.
I promise the pang of humility, striking at first, will only sting momentarily.
Contrary to the painful shackles of ones pride and ego that could last a life time.
Therefore, the only true pain in this life is the bondage to one’s never-ending self-deception.
I am shedding dried out thoughts.
I am slithering through new dimensions.
I am hissing chants and songs of new stories.
I am eating the abundance whole and fiercely.
I am a snake in essence, as I claim my God-given vision for me, for you and everyone we know.
Here I am World, hear me rattle.
I remember the day I woke up in your dream.
Your dream was for me to stay small.
I was sad for myself and others to realize I had been conditioned to stay contained in someone else’s vision.
Programmed only to make a move when there’s a green light from someone else, the one in charge.
Make sure to not make anyone feel uncomfortable with my outspoken thoughts and philosophies.
Stay straight in line.
Go to school, get good grades and get that job that will comfort me till I die.
Buy that stuff, I really needed it they said.
Have 2 kids with a two-floor house and put all your stuff in there.
What if that wasn’t my dream at all?
I was living someone else’s dream.
Living to make someone else rich.
My whole life
I woke up
And will never play small again.
Like the lava being birthed by a volcano,
I grinned as you told me you never loved me.
Through the burning, comes the diamond.
My shine hurts you and we both know
you will never taste life