Exhausted Stardust

Exhausted Stardust

& what if even the exhaustion has its purpose.
To wear us down, to stop us from trying so hard.
To teach us to just be ourselves again.
Without the mask, without the chase to be loved or accepted.
& what if its purpose was to cause us pain.
To force us to give in and give up.
To surrender to something new and something better.
Maybe into how we were meant to live?
I think I’m in too deep and I must come back.
We must come back, come back to us and the flow of the Universe.
Things will be easier there, inflow and in harmony with our natural-cosmic-selves.

Head To Your Heart

Head To Your Heart

They told me my body wasn’t perfect, so I found a way to love it harder.

They told me I was depressed, so I found a way to be happy.

They told me I was anxious, so I found a way to become calm.

They told me I’m a failure at english, so I became a writer.

They told me I was a drunk, so I became sober.

They told me I am a lot of things.

Now they’re telling me the air is unsafe, so I’ve begun to breathe deeper.

This is called the journey from your head to your heart.

Don’t let anyone tell you who you are.

Question everything.

& Remember you are your own saviour.

JEREMIAH 29:11

JEREMIAH 29:11

Truth be told I have an undying love for scripture, it has gotten me through some very difficult times. Through plant medicine and reading sacred scripture I had my spiritual awakening in 2014. Jeremiah 29:11, inparticularly, has got me through some dark times and It is once again is painting a vision of hope for me. This world panademic, just like everyone else, has caused many cancellations in my plans and forced me to paint a new vision for the future in my heart.

Flash back to 2014-2915 I spent 7 months at the last treatment centre I was at for drugs and alcohol. I was there for so long because well I had no where to go to, no place to call home to return too. I waited to be accepted into social housing, an “addictions recovery housing.” When I finally got my suite, it was so exciting to return to “the real world.” I would be able to use the internet, come and go as I please and eat what I wanted. All though, the living conditions where so much worse then treatment.

I would lay awake every night, fighting my sleep medication to stay awake. As I layed on a foam mattress (I got for free), I would wonder how many bed bugs bites I would find the next morning on my body. I had a stalker next door to me and below me a man who smoked drugs everyday. The cops were around my building a lot. It was a dissaster – but it was my own space. My own space, something I hadn’t had in years. On the upside I didn’t have to leave my house to have my morning coffee and cigrettes, I could just have them in bed. It was a roller coaster for sure, I did question relapsing many times – just so I could go back to some where that felt safe, All though, there was something that kept me going and that was Jeremiah 29:11.

I had received a gift from my ex’s mom, who was the Sunday school teacher and wife of the pastor at her church. She came to my rehab centre almost every weekend – when I wasn’t grounded. We would knit and do bible study. She gifted me a few things while I was there and a stone cross with “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”- was one of those gifts.

Living in that social housing suite was so insane, but I knew it wasn’t going to be forever. I knew if I were to use (drugs or alcohol) I would probably end up with a toe tag anyways – and trust me some days that sounded just fine. However there was that mini cross statue, with the scripture that would remind me if I kept holding on good things would come. If it had worked for others it could work for me, faith that is in a bigger plan for me to prosper.

I am beyond grateful I held tight to my spirituality and faith that got through those dark days. I now have a life beyond my wildest dreams and it keeps getting better. So in times like these (a world crisis) when everything feels as if it is falling apart and it seems we are taking steps backwards rather than forwards… just remember god/universe/spirit has a plan bigger and better then you ever could imagine. We would not know the light without the shadows and in the end Love will always win if we choose to believe in it.

Standing Neutral On A Moving Train

Standing Neutral On A Moving Train

The night before rehab feels the same as the moment after the awareness hits. The awareness of your unconscious patterns and loops is no longer serving you. Though, unlike the drugs, your limiting beliefs protected you – but really who’s to say the drugs didn’t keep you alive?

Nevertheless, those old beliefs or magical potions don’t work anymore. You try to cram all the dope into your body and silly antics out your mind – leading up to the next morning but they’re worn out. Your heavy heart knows the lesson have expired. “It” the shity behaviour and belief you’re unlovable won’t serve you anymore. “So what happens to me now?” You think. Will I just become “the hole in the donut” and will life be boring beyond The Unknown. Will I ever have fun again? Have I ever had fun? Who am I really without my shields? Will anyone love me without a mask.

All in the same go…this place in between two worlds is all so scary and yet so incredibly satisfying – having finally surrendered. The daylight hits the sky, bags packed and now you’re in withdrawal. Ready to take off, as you wonder when will both your feet land in one world? Cause you know and feel now that “you can’t be neutral on a moving train” any longer.

Releasing The Secret Self.

Releasing The Secret Self.

The world aches, yearns and longs for you to embrace all sides of your soul. You are here for a reason. Those still hidden sides of yourself are the missing pieces to the puzzle. & A beautiful puzzle you are. Yet, a single piece in the greater picture of life here on earth. A single piece to the grand scope of consciousness. You are here to heal. All sides of you will bring love to this earth and the hearts of many. Please don’t leave any out.

The secret self is another word for the still buried parts of your Soul. The parts of us we work towards unburying because they scream inside our chest to see the light.

We may have worked long and hard to find buried parts of our soul, but only to keep them still hidden from the rest of the world. We may think we are too much, too sad, too happy, too wild and people will not accept that side of us. I know this pain and that struggle while hiding those secret sides of ourselves from the world.

The aching feeling of wanting to be seen. The yearning to wanting to share our personal narrative with the world. That voice that poetically speaks to us when we are alone wanting to scream from the rooftops.

I know the longing to be bold and to shake the earth with our story. The battle in our minds that holds us back from sharing certain sides of our being, because of fear and limiting beliefs.

It’s not our fault, we were conditioned that way. From a young child till now you have been told that part of yourself is better left in the shadows. Certain things of your past are better left unsaid.

So I am here to tell you, that is all a lie and the only thing that resides in you is love. The world also aches, yearns and longs to embrace all sides of you. You are here for a reason, those sides of you are a missing piece of the puzzle to heal and transcend more love into this earth and the hearts of many.

Be bold, be fearless, be unapologetically you. Release those parts of yourself screaming to be revealed.

By doing so you are giving permission to allow others to do the same. Think of a world where women express themselves freely and embody all sides of themselves. That is the world I want to live it.

How much love and how much divine nurture that the world has to give. The divine feminine is calling you. All sides of her are calling you, to release the secrets side of yourself you call guilt shame.

Are you going to be brave enough to answer the call? Will you step into the unknown and the possibility of living your wildest dream and share your story with the world?

The secret self is another word for the still buried parts of your Soul. The parts of us we work towards unburying because they scream inside our chest to see the light.

We may have worked long and hard to find buried parts of our soul, but only to keep them still hidden from the rest of the world. We may think we are too much, too sad, too happy, too wild and people will not accept that side of us. I know this pain and that struggle while hiding those secret sides of ourselves from the world.

The aching feeling of wanting to be seen. The yearning to wanting to share our personal narrative with the world. That voice that poetically speaks to us when we are alone wanting to scream from the rooftops.

I know the longing to be bold and to shake the earth with our story. The battle in our minds that holds us back from sharing certain sides of our being, because of fear and limiting beliefs.

It’s not our fault, we were conditioned that way. From a young child till now you have been told that part of yourself is better left in the shadows. Certain things of your past are better left unsaid.

So I am here to tell you, that is all a lie and the only thing that resides in you is love. The world also aches, yearns and longs to embrace all sides of you. You are here for a reason, those sides of you are a missing piece of the puzzle to heal and transcend more love into this earth and the hearts of many.

Be bold, be fearless, be unapologetically you. Release those parts of yourself screaming to be revealed.

By doing so you are giving permission to allow others to do the same. Think of a world where women express themselves freely and embody all sides of themselves. That is the world I want to live it.

How much love and how much divine nurture that the world has to give. The divine feminine is calling you. All sides of her are calling you, to release the secrets side of yourself you call guilt shame.

Are you going to be brave enough to answer the call? Will you step into the unknown and the possibility of living your wildest dream and share your story with the world?

Wild women we must keep peeling back the layers. Be seen, be heard and be bold.

NeverMind.

NeverMind.

Her head swirls with overwhelming thoughts of new creative endeavors.
Her mind like that of Vishnus’ arms, clawing at new ideas.
She is after all a creator and a lover.
She’s a multidimensional and multi-passionate Being.
However, scattered and lost, but always blessed.
She finds a wise woman kind enough to guide her back home.
The wise women reminding her how simple it all really is.
She then let’s go and feels the calm.
The flow enters her Heart once again.
Her Soul at ease, she can retreat back home to her passion and to Love.

A Night With Oprah Winfrey.

A Night With Oprah Winfrey.

The Night I saw Oprah Winfrey was one of the most magical and uplifting nights of my life. I got to see her closing night of her tour, for her most recent book “The Path Made Clear.” The show was two hours long. She spoke the whole two hours with inspiring words and wisdom. She shared her experience of finding and living her path and purpose in life.

To my complete surprise, Eckart Tolle was the guest speaker and it was remarkable to see in the flesh the man with no Ego. I’m not kidding you, he has no ego. Oprah even made a joke about his initials being “E.T” which does not joke, he is an extraterrestrial being. He spoke for about 15-20 minutes and it was such a blessing to see not one, but two of the greatest teachers from our time, on the same night.

There were a few moments during Oprah’s performance which I could not help myself, but to jot down some notes. In hopes, the messages would inspire others and I would love to share those with you now. Here they go as followed:

“The thing you most often didn’t get [growing up] is the thing you can most often give” [to others] -on your purpose

Focus on how can you serve. Ask yourself how can you use your power to serve.

What is your intention? Is your intention pure?

“Do what you have to do till you can do what you want to do”

Don’t betray yourself.

To explained and deepen a little more into each of those points. I would like to say the first one is that of a parable from the bible. Life is full of contradictions as I explained in my last post “beautiful little contradictions.” Oprah went on to explain that she lacked so much connection and love growing up, especially from her Mother. All though that is what she gravitated to share with the world, through her purpose and path. Love and connection. Something rang true for me when I heard this, just as our struggles and lessons turn into our gifts and blessings for the world.

I loved how she was sharing the message about service and using your intention to serve. Your value is always in how many people you can serve. Don’t forget that. I think that wraps into what is your intention? Is your intention to serve your Ego? or to serve others? You will not get far or last long if it is for your Ego. Let your light lead you.

When she said “Do what you have to do till you can do what you want to do”it was one of those things I didn’t want to hear but needed to hear. So often I want what I want and I want it now. But this is not how the Universe/spirit/source works. Actually, “time” works in our favor because it gives us a grace period to work out or goals and make adjustments as to what we want. If we got everything we wanted to manifest in a split second the world would be 1000 times more chaotic then it already is! So this was a good reminder and some good Oprah wisdom I needed to hear. She shared this was true for her when she was working as a news anchor. She knew it was not what she wanted to do, but it gave her the skills and a starting point to star on her show later in life.

Lastly, DON’T BETRAY YOURSELF. This goes with all areas of your life. But certainly with your Purpose and path. Don’t dim your light to make others comfortable. The story Oprah shared on this message was when she had to set boundaries with her family. She could not stand any longer having to see her sexual abusers at family functions as the rest of her family carried on as nothing had happened. She went along with it for far too long and that voice inside her said enough is enough. Don’t betray yourself! Live in your truth!

“Forgiveness is giving up hope that the past could have been any different.”

Art by Vix Harris.

Jealousy, Our Hearts Desires.

Jealousy, Our Hearts Desires.

Why do we have ill feelings towards the person we are jealous of? When in fact it is us betraying Ourselves. Its is us denying our Souls of what we really want and what the other person already has. We are lacking action to achieve our ambitions, we are silencing our Souls Call.

When we feel jealous, this is a flag sent from our Hearts Desires, waving us down. That person has what I want and I’m not letting myself have it. It is only us who holds ourselves back and it is the journey from our head to the Heart that is the hardest. But if you can endure the ride, it will be the journey most worth travelling.

If “A peaceful mind gives life to the body, but jealousy rots the bones.” (Proverbs 14:30) Then we are simply rotting away, not acting on our Hearts Desires. Instead of wrath towards another, who already has what we want, why not gratitude? After all, they’re your best teacher. They’re showing you, you are deceiving yourself. You are robbing yourself of your true potential.

You are meant to loose yourself on the journey, but don’t give up on yourself in the process. Remember we are all in this together, guiding each other home. we are all One, we are all Love at our core.

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