Some people believe the way she is, is because she hates herself, but she loves herself more than they’ll ever know.
Men leave her saying “I can’t do this” as she’s laughing, hanging halfway off the bed.
Fool her once – she’ll make sure she finds a way you’ll never forget her name and she can forgive yours.
She knows the life oh too well, of being chained to the mattress by cigarettes, bad comedy and depression.
She’s a threat to the rules, because she’s a women who creates her own world wherever she goes.
With just a bat of her brown eyes she will drag you into the ower realms of existence and have you question all that you preach.
Dark, filthy and obsessive – She hides her wicked ways from the aloof and ones who can’t handle the truth.
To be apart of her world is to be one body and dance within all the shades of the universe.
She’s the teacher of romancing shadows and kissing your ghosts – or you shall become them.
How to put into words this time of time and nothingness – that is everything.
The feelings of living on the edge of a blank slate or just the sharp blade of a knife.
Growing pains piercing through the lower realms of worn out shadows and falling ghouls.
Sun rays seeping through the holes of her veil, as she’s soon be married as one.
We are everywhere in the universe and yet at the point of nowhere less of uncertainty.
So I say – It is and we are – just here and now, nowadays.
Grown in the image of the Divine, plucked from the ground too early.
Ripped by their nails, a hole, woven into the unknown.
Chained to our fellows, we realized our pain is all the same.
There’s so much fear yet, united is our beauty.
We are the daisy crown for the future generations.
Together let’s pray – the young may stay wild and grow free.
The Awakening hit me like a ton of bricks.
I went in with no expectations.
I was high enough to believe.
Desperate enough to finally listen.
We read Genesis.
My Heart lit on fire.
The sun was in my chest.
The veil had been lifted.
They warned me I might not sleep for 3 days.
The feeling was unimaginable.
I could see God now.
Why did I keep all those things, for so many years?
I dragged them around from accommodations to rehabs to storage lockers like dead weights to my ankles.
Fear to let go of the memories, fear of forgetting, not being ready to be free.
Guilt of the presents that were unappreciated, shame of the accused ungratefulness.
Fear of what they would think if I lived my dreams of simplicity and my unfamilar greatness.
The fear of all the feelings in my heart and soul looking back into the eyes of my childhood photos.
Dreading the sadness of year books and the wishing I could save the teenagers in the memories from complete self-destruction.
Those things were my ball and chain, all those things were my work cut out for me.
As they float on, so do the painful thoughts of yesterday year.
My hands gently and gratefully open as I release all the things, that kept me stuck, back into the admition of my human condition.
I kept crawling back to his sandpaper door step, desperate for one last taste of ether.
His poetic sexual convictions had me tied up in a phone chord of confusion.
Now tell me please, how had I never been teased like this before.
Worn out knees to the bone, I prayed to bleed dry of my ghostly feelings for him.
Praise God, that the mood dried up and we both withered back to our divine decree.
Resurrected from his undertaking I proclaimed “no more sadistic love sissors cutting at my heartstrings.”
Letting go with you was just a dip into the unexplored abyss of my creation.
You’ve showed me my sinlessness was not a virtue and that a spectrum of my virginity still awaits immersion.
A whole sea between my legs awaits exploration, I never knew I had so much of myself left untouched.
I am must be blessed – because I had you by my side when the world began to fall.
Our young love felt like the drugs, maybe because of all the drugs we did.
Or Maybe it was the romantic dreams we fostered together.
Our fantasy to escape, to get away, to be free from the cages of our dark voids.
We ran, we hid, we cheated, stole and lied – but we did it all together.
I will always be grateful I got to experience deep rugged Love with you, my special thorn, my very first time for everything.
All alone, is how I saved me.
The Mountains couldn’t save me. The doctors or the nurses couldn’t save me.
The psychiatrists or the pills. Jesus or Mohammed couldn’t save me.
My family or my Lovers. That cat or the money couldn’t save me.
That trip, the house, the dress, the make up, the job, even the sex couldn’t save me.
She said “I’m serving recovery, to you, on a silver plater” but she couldn’t save me.
The fear of living had to become greater than the fear of drowning.
It wasn’t until they all left me in silence, that I could began to save myself from my mind.
They all helped me wake me up, For better or for worse.
Sometimes the lessons seemed too hard – too soon.
Now I can see I had the answers all along, I just had to learn how to listen and In the end I was my own Saviour.