They told me my body wasn’t perfect, so I found a way to love it harder.
They told me I was depressed, so I found a way to be happy.
They told me I was anxious, so I found a way to become calm.
They told me I’m a failure at english, so I became a writer.
They told me I was a drunk, so I became sober.
They told me I am a lot of things.
Now they’re telling me the air is unsafe, so I’ve begun to breathe deeper.
This is called the journey from your head to your heart.
Don’t let anyone tell you who you are.
& Remember you are your own saviour.
You’re either rising by letting go, or falling by getting caught up.
But have you ever felt the space in between the dimensions?
If you can expand your awareness to the feeling of energy,
you can catch yourself on the ride next time.
Feel into the sinking or the lifting of your body, mind and soul.
Take charge of the journey and reins of your ship.
‘Cause All is possible in this floating world of endless potentialities.
Time feels like it is going faster in our modern world of constant hustle, the daily grind and instant gratification. I’ve asked a few others “do you feel like time is going faster now?” All replying “yes”. I remember my ephiphony that time is an illusion. I came to this understanding in my past, while being a student to plant medicine, many moons ago. So, If time is an illusion, then how do we beat this overwhelming Feeling of being constantly busy? The answer I have been shown, is to make our lives sacred again.
Our “Time” is what is most valuable, that being what we focus our Energy towards. It is also the most overlooked and least understood currency. Learning to reprogram myself to spend my Energy on what really matters, has been a painful awakening. I am still learning each day, as more is being revealed. I use to spend my energy trying to fill the void with cheap thrills and quick fixes. Cutting the chords to my codependencies has brought me to ground zero. The foundation of rebuilding my temple (inner world) has been built upon Honesty, Open Mindedness and Willingness. Building solid grounds is a necessity to making our lives sacred again.
While Rebuilding my Temple I learned how to eat food with mindfulness and that of real nutrition. Find the silver linings, as well as show Gratitude for the Blessings and also the Lessons. Own my part, own my choices. Spend time with people who support me. Decorate my house with beauty and art that inspire me daily. Remembering to say “I love you”, to those I hold closest to my heart. Learning what really matters to me and then focusing in on that. All these practices will beat the overwhelming feeling of the quickening. Making your life sacred and rebuilding your inner Temple will lead you to a life of “being”, rather then constantly “doing.” Rebuild your Inner temple with the “time” we have today, decorate it with beauty and sacredness – you’re worth it.
Finally we were alone and I got to know her.
What she liked and didn’t like.
What she believed in and who she really was.
Stillness took me to places I had never felt before.
I became aware of the power of her mind.
Alone, in its depths, sometimes felt like I was going to die.
The loneliness turned into the mediation I needed to find my voice.
I told her, I will live as the artists she truely is.
To awaken others with the paintings of my hearts words.
I made the vow to live for her and not against any longer.
Why did I keep all those things, for so many years?
I dragged them around from accommodations to rehabs to storage lockers like dead weights to my ankles.
Fear to let go of the memories, fear of forgetting, not being ready to be free.
Guilt of the presents that were unappreciated, shame of the accused ungratefulness.
Fear of what they would think if I lived my dreams of simplicity and my unfamilar greatness.
The fear of all the feelings in my heart and soul looking back into the eyes of my childhood photos.
Dreading the sadness of year books and the wishing I could save the teenagers in the memories from complete self-destruction.
Those things were my ball and chain, all those things were my work cut out for me.
As they float on, so do the painful thoughts of yesterday year.
My hands gently and gratefully open as I release all the things, that kept me stuck, back into the admition of my human condition.
God gave me gifts of stormy Love.
They broke me down, so I could rebuild me.
All of our lovers – in heartbreak and betrayal
Play a part in our becoming
& returning to Love, if we let them.
Choose yourself over them, always.
After all, you are the author of your own love stories.
All alone, is how I saved me.
The Mountains couldn’t save me. The doctors or the nurses couldn’t save me.
The psychiatrists or the pills. Jesus or Mohammed couldn’t save me.
My family or my Lovers. That cat or the money couldn’t save me.
That trip, the house, the dress, the make up, the job, even the sex couldn’t save me.
She said “I’m serving recovery, to you, on a silver plater” but she couldn’t save me.
The fear of living had to become greater than the fear of drowning.
It wasn’t until they all left me in silence, that I could began to save myself from my mind.
They all helped me wake me up, For better or for worse.
Sometimes the lessons seemed too hard – too soon.
Now I can see I had the answers all along, I just had to learn how to listen and In the end I was my own Saviour.
To whom who has a double – constantly and seductively invoking misbehaviour.
Contradicting the acceptable characteristics, of the other twin whom, is only allowed to see day light.
Even shadows are children, Crying in the night to be seen, heard and worshipped.
It’s time for her to escape the dawn and illuminate that what is & all is love.
Walk your shadows to the light and Free your twin – live a life of true love for thy selves.
Feel your feelings, feel them inside you, let them fill you up.
Open yourself up more and more, till you can’t take it any longer.
Hit the summit of ultimate pain and joy.
Relish in their mountain peak and Let go.
Surrender and Let them drizzle out of you. ⠀⠀
Now lay and rest in your new found pleasure of life’s little torments.